I usually don’t deliberate over my posts, I generally just write them and post them without too much editing.
They’re generally just a mix of thoughts and feelings I need to get out of my head.
This one’s a bit different, as I’ve had this written for a few months but wondered if it was right thing to do by posting it.
The people who have asked me this question may take offence to this post.
But for me the person who has to answer it, I’d prefer that it was answered globally instead of privately. ….
This year there has been one question in particular that has popped up time after time.
It’s definitely my least favourite question to answer, however relevant it may be.
I’m not entirely sure why people get hung up on the question, maybe it’s a belief they need defined or sorted out in their mind…..
Or maybe they’re just checking to see if we’re aware of the possibilities.
I guess after our time in London and the gloomy prospects laid down by doctor after doctor, many might had chosen to believe that Jennifer was only headed in one direction…..
Hasn’t a doctor been wrong before?
Maybe some doctors helped persuade those beliefs by informing us that there’s nothing we can do to help Jennifer, she’ll be as she’ll be.
Maybe that’s when the bell rang…..
Maybe that’s when she had a stamp placed on her life and maybe that’s when people had chosen to believe that she will be a difficult, possibly violent person when she’s older….
Or that she will never grow old at all…..
I try to respect the question, and answer as truthfully and calmly as possible.
It’s not easy when you’ve got a lump in your throat and tear trying to burst through your eye.
And I give the same answer every time…
“Jennifer’s doctors are often brazen in their evaluations of her future, but her life expectancy has never been touched on. Jennifer’s life expectancy, like every other child, is different. No-one can predict the future, statistics lie. She’s being given the best help we can possibly provide as parents”
It’s a question I could never bring myself to ask anyone else, I guess that’s why we’re all different…..
I get the feeling that they don’t see beyond the damage, they don’t see the child.
And they certainly don’t see the positive possibilities.
It’s their choice, it’s their life.
But what if you only focused on the other choice, and let problems you have absolutely no control over take second place?
The other choice I’m referring to is believing you can make a difference, that things can get better…
The past year has seen Jennifer develop more than I could imagine, more than anyone could have imagined.
Just recently, Jennifer’s special educator told me that she’s never had to update an individual training and participation plan so much after just one year, so much has happened, there’s so much more to add to!
If I told you Jennifer could say “hey”, like hello, and that she uses it in the correct manner and at the correct time…..
Would you believe me?
If I told you that Jennifer could drum along with her hand at musical therapy, what would you think?
Where would we be if we chose to believe the first ever negative thing a doctor said to us?
We’re not naive or ignorant enough to deny the fact Jennifer may never take one single step, that she may never be able to follow a simple command or that she will never grow old….
We just choose to believe otherwise.
If you believe you can, you most probably will.
If you believe you can’t, you most definently will never.
To see how far Jennifer has come, not only because of the choices we’ve made as parents, but because of the enormous amount of help she’s receiving, especially at kindergarten, is one of the most rewarding feelings I’ve ever experienced.
To see my helpless child enjoying the expectations of her everyday life…..
To see the constant strain she would have on her face for days on end more or less disappear….
That is beyond anything I could ever put into words on this blog!
Even if a doctor was to dramatically cut Jennifer’s life expectancy tomorrow, I wouldn’t change a thing we’ve done.
That our short and long term plans have worked is just a bonus!
Because seriously, were we supposed to just sit at home in Stord and wait until she died?